My journal's name is Joey.

I know it is as though I've not existed at all for the past year, but if anyone's interested (and still remembers me!) I've started a journal over at  

rabbit_foods

Current Mood: cheerful

Theo is covering for Valerie because she's in love with her.

Tara turned herself in to the cops last night, even though she had nothing to do with it. She did it so she could be with Theo in jail.. protect her.

There is another court appearence on January 5th, I'm going, everyone is going, everyone who knows the truth and knows Theo is going to support her.

I'm sick of everyone bringing it up.. referring to Theo as a 'monster' because they only believe what the media says.. everytime, it kills me, because i know so different.

--

It's mine and Ruth's Three Month Anniversary today.. I'm so in fucking love with this girl.

my head hurts.

the newspaper is making Theo out to be a cold-blooded monster, and Valerie as the innocent bystander. when it was the other way around. Valerie forced Theo into doing it.. she's a fucking psycho..

this is fucking bullshit.
i'm so fucking angry.

what the fuck is this supposed to achieve. what the hell comes of doing this to her. i don't understand this, it's not fair.

fuck the media.

FUCK.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200612/s1817288.htm

Jessica (we call her Theo) and Valarie, the ones charged with the murder, are my friends from Chase. Theo, especially, i've been close to the last year.

This is so fucked.

this is so surreal.

Theo wouldn't have done this.

what..

just.. what the fuck.

i can't process this?

So I haven't updated in a while, eh.

I'll start off by saying I'm currently sitting in my new room, which I *just* finished setting up with all my completely useless (but utterly important) junk. I'm living with Ruth now, and our two roommates, Sophie and James. I feel much better now everything is set up and I ahve my own space (For the past month I've been here all the time, but my stuffs just been scattered messily around Ruth's room). But now I have a job! So I can pay rent and therefore have my own room, and a nice cosy place for my extensive collection of junk and plush toys, yaaay.

I'm working at Toys R Us :D It's been good, so far. I'm just doing nightfill at the moment. And I applied at Gelare, too. Mmm.. Wafffles.

Everything has been going brilliantly, lately. It's all just slotting into place and feeling better every day. I've got my girl. A job, wonderful friends, a gorgeous house, it's summer! Ruth has a car, we have beaches! AND I love daylight savings. LOVE it.

This is happiness :)

And it's great.

*grin* :D

( It's the u in cute. )

Current Mood: loved

my baby is home.

and i feel fucking amazing. (in Gillian's words.. my intesetines are smiling)

everything is wonderful. brilliant. perfect.

is it just me or is the sun shining a little brighter?

Current Mood: ecstatic

abdgjka!
JKBajdjddhjjkd!

*goes all mooshy, warm and fuzzy inside*

Ruth got a huge bunch of flowers delivered to my house *bluuuush*

they're so beautiful. she's so beautiful.

and me?

i'm just fucking lucky.

thankyou again my gorgeous girl, you're fucking amazing.

Current Mood: loved

YOU REALLY.

FUCKING.

PISS ME OFF.

SOMETIMES.

lying. cheating. using. hypocrite. player.

GODDAMN.

my hate is reserved for no one but you. at times like these.

dick.

Current Mood: cranky

i'm crying.

i'm crying because Lisa asked me "foo foo if you could have anything in the whole world right now.. what would u want?".

and i answered.

without even thinking.

"to fall asleep in ruth's arms."

and realised. suddenly. painfully. realised.

how much i miss her.
and how much i need her.

and how much what i answered was true.

Current Mood: lonely

oh. i am so, so fucked.

Current Mood: lost

i don't like knowing she's happy because she doesn't deserve to have happiness in her life.

Current Mood: irritated

The herion addict on Jamie's Kitchen is so unbelievably hot.

I shared this with Mum and she said. "I think she looks like Ruth.."

That would explain it, then, wouldn't it..

I've had two exams so far. And two more on Monday. Then a week off. Staying with Terri while her girlfriend is away so I'm not cooped up in my house going more quietly insane than I'm already heading to at a nice pace.

It's getting just a little bit too noisy.
a little too much.
a little too constant.
a little too loud.
a little too alone.
to handle this.
by myself.

everything i touch is falling apart. i need to cut myself off from everyone because all i seem to do is make people hurt. ruin things. homewreck. but i don't think it's safe to be left alone with myself. it's a lose-lose. what do i do?

i need something that will take me away from this.
chemical?
silver?
but.
promises aren't made to be broken.
'specially the things keeping me going.

[i'm missing your smile, miss. am missing your way. i love you, beautiful. thanks for being my thread of sanity.]

Current Mood: unstable

hmn. that hurt more than intended.

poor taxi driver didn't know what to do bringing me home from the airport..

"She must be a really special friend."

yeah. she is. she really, truly is.

come back soon, beautiful.

Current Mood: tired

i'm on the fucking edge.

more than i've ever been before.

she's the only one who's keeping me from slipping.

so what happens when she leaves in two weeks. for two months.

who else do i turn to.

i can't trust anyone anymore.. turned backs, in every direction i look. even the ones i thought i could trust with my life. my entire being. and not only that. trust them to maybe understand.

this is so fucked.

i am so fucked.

it's over.

this is me giving up.

[[[Sharna, Sharna, Sharna....

What the fuck am I supposed to do, when all I can think of, is you

Damn you for being intelligent, funny, a free spirit and fucking gorgeous! I couldnt sleep last night and all I could think of was you. Those eyes and that smile.... geez I am so in trouble!

I feel I can trust you Sharna and I dont trust people generally......I am trouble with a capitol T!!! Im not fucking around, you know I am in a relationship and yet I am letting myself do this with you. I know you havent let me know anything, if anything, about you having feelings for me but I am really having trouble not having feelings for you.]]]

So about two weeks ago. A this girl messaged me on myspace. We started talking through messages. Then MSN. Then we had our first phonecall. I thought she was just having a bit of fun, a bit of friendly flirting. I was flirting back because hey, she was cute, and intelligent and we really hit it off. Then, yesterday, we both went to the Gay Rights Rally and March. We didn't talk in person. Because she was with her girlfriend. And I was with Tamara. But we smiled over the crowd. And kept looking over at each other through the speeches on Gay Rights, and Repealing the Gay Marriage ban.

She called me last night. And i knew she was serious. She actually
had feelings for me. Thought about me. It wasn't just a bit of fun. Friendly flirting. That message above in italics was from last night, she sent it to me while i was at Tamara's house. We're back togther, me and Tamara. And if that situation alone wasn't confusing enough. This jumps in.

Guys. She's 27 years old. She's dating a 30 year old who could do some serious damage to my face if she ever found out.

WHY DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO DO THIS SHIT TO ME. Why must MY life be so fucking dramatic all the bloody time?

I finally thought things would go back to normal. Be simple. Tamara broke up with Kaila, to be with me. Just to be with me. She had real feelings for Kaila.. but loved me more. And now this is happening. This is so fucked. So so fucked. And nothing has changed with us.. she's still paranoid and possessive and doesn't trust me. And last night she went through my messages (on my phone). I thought she was over that shit. Thought she'd treat me better second time around?

I do love her. Am in love with her. But i don't want to start to think that isn't enough

xx

Current Mood: lost

Welcome to Chase.

Blue lines = dated
red lines = just sex

If they dated and had sex. It's just blue, still.

( Tamara is the Shane of Chase. )

p.s: It's not finsihed yet. I haven't got everyone's links up.

Note to self: When breaking off an affair, which was surprisingly like breaking up with someone, make sure the person who is cheating on their girlfriend for you has not recently taken a line of crystal meth.

[dear god. i really don't hope i need to refer to this mental note ever again.]

Current Mood: undecided

this has been the last five days. in sms'es from elfie. tells a pretty accurate story.

hey what you doing. you have to see my new phone. its gorgeous

i will see what i can do babe. ok you ahve to see my new phone ok.

yeah working. get a break at 5 wanna join me

hey what are you doing

i'm here to talk to if you want

<3

i am already finished

hey call me at home if you like

[photo of elfie here] a photo for you from me

i lost my phone number, can i have yours? :)

lol, cute. very cute. kaila is looking at me funny.

miss you

really. NMW.

why you not replying. i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said that.

[photo of Waffles (our rat)] our daughter

fair enough i should get some sleep before i fuck things up goodnight, sweet dreams.

are you still coming

are you home safe yet

that's shit, it's okay, you'll be out of the cold and rain soon and you'll be fine

no shit it's all messed up

i'm sorry

i love you. can i call you later when kaila is sleeping

okay baby i love you

hey babe sorry abouy my breakdown last night. this is unfair on you. i should just leave

ok i believe you. i love you sharna bear

as am i

can i see you tonight? please. i need to

i finish at 6.30, but have to pick kaila up at 9

i hate the fact i have to delete every message from you that says i love you. can you send me an email so i don't have to delete it?

my phone, and she doesn't know the password

possibly but don't come into the store

fuck kaila wants to see me on my break. can i ask you a question. but i will come over tonight if your mum wont eat me

are we having an affair. thanks for my present. whos the chick who dropped it off to me?

this is so fucked. i really love you. i miss you heaps

can this be done without me hurting anyone

my fucked up head head is telling me this is right for now

sharna i can't choose right now. i know that is hard to understand but i really can't choose right now. my heart is yours, my soul is yours. i am confused and scared of hurting anybody more than i already have. but i honestly don't know what to do

baby please i love you this hurts. kaila just got called in. still wanna see me

can you do me a favour and send a message to my phone just inviting me over for a couple of hours as mates please just say we are going to play tony hawke.

she told me to enjoy myself. can you pick me up from the bus stop please

[photo of us together] this will always be us

ok will do. i start at 9.30 is that okay. i love you. kaial has no problem with my staying over. she trusts me.

no i start at 9.30 on friday silly bear.. i love you and wish i was next to you right now.

we will tomorrow night, i love you sweet dreams of me

have a good day my darling. i am always thinking about you

NMW. tell everyone i said hi

you better. i love you and miss you. soon baby soon

she ran crying into my arms saying that she had a dream that i left her. i don't know what to do. i want you but i can't right now. it's unfair, i know. please know that i love you.

i'm not asking you to. i understand baby, i do. it wont take long. i love you.

baby last night was perfect. and i know what i am missing so i will be home. i love you sharna. oh by the way, i stle your tegan and sara CD. work is sick of my playing it

please talk to me please

why are you not answering your phone

i miss you. i love you.

i love you.

i want to see the lake house tomorrow, can you look up the movie times

hey call me at home

hey i almosy had an ambulance at my place because kaila almost had a panic attack because i tried to break up with her. i need to see you. i love you

in the morning i will be there k i drunk

luv you sharna dawn lockyer message you in the morning

[[this is the exact spelling of it. she was a little drunk]] g wamt wmtp apmp around me i miss you hears i love you so much i can't wait to put my armor sound wyou.

you don't want to talk to me do you

forever yours i will be no one will ever take you away from me sharna bear i will be home soon love NMW tamara

are you having fun

i broke off the engagement will kaila tonight. i love you.

no.. just the engagement, but it's a start. you should sleep.. i can't sleep. i'm pilling off my face.

why are you up so late. i miss you